I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
