Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
