I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
