god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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