Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
