do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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