Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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