Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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