So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
