yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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