He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
