you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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