My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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