Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
