I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
