My liver just broke up with me...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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