I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i out mim tonsoeep
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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