i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
