"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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