I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
