i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
