I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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