I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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