i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
