Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So vagazzling was a success
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
