just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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