38 yer olds are good kisserssss
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Boobs are out for the taking
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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