Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
