Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
