she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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