Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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