I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
