Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
