dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
