She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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