I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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