Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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