we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
