I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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