cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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