I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
