yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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