Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
