Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
