so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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