Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
