I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
