Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
