The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think i have herpe
just one?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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