just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
