No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
