I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I want is dick and wine.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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