we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
