I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no, he came in my armpit
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
