im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
